Mixed bag

I have been trying to get back into blogging but I haven't been able to , its not like I was an active blogger any ways.But today a part of me feels that words will help me set certain things straight or at least lessen the burden.
I don't have a particular topic on my mind on which I would like to propose my theories or make pass comments on but just few things that have captured my interest.
Death- Its an end of an era,I have heard people say.The man lead a peaceful life but his end was not so peaceful.Death is a phenomenon so mystical yet so humble in many ways.Its a fact that people die,I will someday and you will too. But yet when it hits you it leaves an impact so deep on your mind that you find yourself faced with unanswered queries. Very few deaths have touched me,and made me so emotional that I have cried my heart out.From my personal experience I have found that it is not required that the deceased be your blood relative or your closest friend for such a thing to happen. There are a few others who in some odd way brings back so many different emotion at the mention of their name. And when you learn of their death,you take a moment to recover from the shock.its not like death hasnt knocked on your door before and take away someone close to you,yet this seems to happen all over again.
All we can do is cherish those memories and move on..

Expectations- Its not a sin to expect something of a person. But to expect others not to expect things off you ,thats hypoctitical. Why do people have to fulfil someone elses expectations? The moment we are born into this world our parents expect, rather hope, us to be angels who wil behave and not make them go through hell,which we do anyways.Then there is the phase where you are expected to behave in a society in a way which suits your status.The expectation bestowed upon you by your parents mount when you are in school and anything less than 100% or #1 in class is letting them down,not respecting their hardwork ,their desire to see you grow into the pesron that they want us to be.Iknow its all for the best but honestly is that all it takes to become someone?be first on class ?they expect to get the best out of you.We talk about having faith in a person,telling them that they can accomplish anything they want to.But honestly people isnt there a logical limit to the position to which a person can rise taking into account the current trend and his past trends? Then why is it that false hopes are the best weapon people can find to drive us to a point where we feel powerless ,having put all our effort into something that was worthless? Do people just say it for the sake of saying it? who can tell us what our potential is for real and not show us a picture perfect portrait of a "happily ever after " life that is unattainable? well its all about learning the art of chossing the people whom you can trust ,I guess. And also open your eyes to see the world for what it is.

.....

What is this? Please tell me
Why is it that I can’t be free?
A thousand needles poking through
Chains of bondage I cannot move

I wail , I cry, for help I scream
The pain’s too real, it’s not a dream
Won’t be long before my voice breaks
A few more screams that’s all It’ll take
Then I will be silenced, I will be free
For death will put an end to my misery

Back with a bang??[:P]

Well it’s been a long time since I penned down something. I haven’t had the inspiration to put my thoughts into words. Here goes nothing…get ready for a bumpy ride people…

It’s odd you know that the first thing that comes to my mind is death. All of us have at some point in our lives come face to face with it. It is mysterious, isn’t it? It’s the great equalizer. Unlike the saying that all are equal before the law, when it comes down to death it’s true. But to those who pass away the world left behind doesn’t matter right. It’s those who are closely related to him or her who is affected the most. Imagine a friends circle wherein there is this weakest link, you could say, who is always at the receiving end of the criticism, the victim of all the personal jokes, the guy who is laughed at ,who has the reputation of being the biggest looser, he might be the only person in the group who gets your most pathetic PJ’s and throws his head back in the air laughing when the rest just sit and ponder,“why in the name of humanity did we have to go through that ?” …and you are glad that rather than criticizing you for your sense of humor the poor guy is taking the shots for appreciating your joke….
But what if the next time you crack a joke you turn your head and the realization hits you that he is no longer there? All that is left is the empty space …you freeze. You miss his company … In some way or the other when all of us are gone we will be remembered…for how long, well that’s a different issue….
Its true isn’t it that people at times don’t realize the value of something or someone unless and until it’s taken away….who will miss you?? Have you ever thought of that? I know lots of people will cry a few tears but will eventually move on…your friends your siblings, but there are a few who will miss you so much that they will keep wishing that you come back from the dead just so that they can let you know how much they love you…Parents… mom and dad…papa and mamma…what can I say about these wonderful creations. They never seem to stop loving you…you shout at them you give them attitude they still turn up with a smile on their faces, and in the case of my dad with a glass of “horlicks” in his hand. You can make the biggest mistakes of your life and still find them loving you the same. They are angels on earth … I know that their lives are short…they wont be around much longer I know that there are exceptions but I don’t want to elaborate on that…So if I die, who will miss me?? Or rather will it make anyone happy if I die?Hmmmmm...
I have been asked this question once…if you don’t have a purpose or a dream why don’t you die…well…yes practically speaking I would be doing the world, which is running out of supply of oxygen, a favour by not taking up my share and letting those who do have a purpose put it to good use. But nah am not all that good [: D] …is life really worth living?? I have heard that everybody has a destiny…a fate that is predetermined…sure…tell this to the guy who survived a war to ultimately die because a coconut fell on his head…aren’t we just kidding ourselves by blaming it on destiny and on luck? Isn’t it all in our hands…aren’t we just being lazy and not working for it hoping that out of sheer luck we will get what we want? But when we do try our best and still end up with nothing then whose fault is it…the common saying … “you were not destined to get it”. The irony….
I don’t write this blog to inspire anyone, nor to enlighten anyone…its just me….voicing my weird thoughts…so to the people who do happen to read it…bear with me…I now a few will have fallen asleep by now or will have switched to another blog…but to those who did get to this part….thanks for being patient!! So until next time…ciao!![;)]

Why the Silence????

So many words go through my head

Half of it is never said..

For what i feel i try to hide...

Though i break down inside.....

To hurt you I never want....

It happens still..help it I can't

Wish i cud hide all my tears ...

Keep a smile on for years and years....

Wish I could hold it back,never let it run...

Tears arent my friends,they are never fun...

I choke at times suffocate...

My silence does indicate....

Never thought I would hurt you so....

I feel shattered...feel so LOW....

I know you bleed,I know you cry...

I know you wish at times to die...

Never meant it to be this way....

At times i dont know what to say...

For words at times are very few...

Keep saying "wish i knew"

Feel my love,i want you to...

I want to stay forever,to be true...

For hurt you i do now and then

Never want it to happen never again

I know its too good to be true....

Its something i wish i could do....

For My LOVE .....

Wish you could feel it,wish you could see...

You mean so much to me..

My Quest begins...

Staring at myself in the mirror at times I have looked away realizing that I am a stranger to myself...often these thoughts haunt me” Who am I? Does my presence make any difference in this world?? Won’t this world move on after I die? Loved ones might give me a tribute in tears...But they will move on eventually, wont they? And so will this world which never ceased in the first place. So why am I here?” Never have I been able to do justice to these queries.

I feel at times that the whole world revolves around me, I am the central character of this play of mammoth proportions, everything happening here is related to me in some unexplainable way....that's just my ignorance, isn’t it? After all this world has seen births and deaths before I was born...and I have a strong feeling that it will be so after me.

I know this is a quest which has been taken upon by many...the search for oneself, a look into ones own soul. I don't know where I am headed; I might stumble upon novel thoughts and redefine a few that already exist. Its here where I pause, take a moment to look at this phenomenon called “LIFE”. The experience of a life time....the search for the purpose of my life...my existence...My ASTITVA